FROM "WHAT IF" TO "WHAT IS": RECLAIMING YOUR POWER IN THE PRESENT

This realisation didn't arrive gently. It came through emotional fatigue. Through noticing patterns instead of promises. Through finally allowing myself to stop explaining behaviour away. And the sentence that anchored me was simple:

"If he wanted to, he would." Not could. Would. That wasn't bitterness. That was clarity. And from there, a deeper question formed - one that I suspect many women quietly carry: What if we stopped focusing on the what ifs and started focussing on the what is instead? THE QUIET COST OF "WHAT IF" "What if" thinking is often disguises itself as hope. • What if this time is different? • What if they're just struggling? • What if I wait a little longer? • What if I'm asking for too much? At first, it feels compassionate. Loyal. Patient. But over time, "what if" becomes a place where we abandon ourselves - quietly - while waiting for someone else to arrive. "What if" keeps us future-focused and emotionally suspended. "What if" asks us to override evidence in favour of potential. "What if" keeps us disconnected from our body, our intuition, and our peace. Slowly, we can find ourselves living inside a fantasy that costs far more than we realise. REPEATED EMPTY EFFORT IS STILL EMPTY This distinction matters. Someone who wants to show up: • leaves a message • uses words clearly • asks how you are • respects boundaries • aligns actions with intention Repeated empty calls, silence, or inconsistency are not effort. They often function as avoidance without accountability. And noticing that isn't cruel. It's honest. LETTING GO OF THE FANTASY ISN'T KILLING HOPE This part matters. Letting go of the fantasy doesn't mean you're giving up on love. It doesn't mean you're hardening your heart. It doesn't mean you're cold, bitter, or unforgiving. It means you're letting go of: • imagined versions • potential without follow-through

• "one day" • conditional effort You're choosing reality over illusion. And that choice - while painful - is self-respect. WHAT MOVING PAST IT ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE Moving past it does not mean: • forcing yourself to stop feeling • suppressing grief • shaming yourself for hope It looks like:

• noticing the thought • naming it as fantasy • gently returning to evidence • choosing not to act from longing That's not avoidance. That's emotional maturity. "WHAT IS" BRINGS YOU BACK TO YOURSELF When you shift from "what if" to "what is", something grounding happens. You stop spiralling. You stop negotiating your boundaries. You stop chasing emotional breadcrumbs. You come back into your body. Into the present. Into yourself. "What is" asks different questions: • What is actually happening - consistently? • What am I being shown through actions, not words? • What does this situation make me feel in my body? • What is this costing me? These questions aren't comfortable - but they are stabilising. And grounding is where clarity lives. CLOSING REFLECTION If something someone said left you unsettled, it doesn't mean you're overthinking. It means your intuition is asking for clarity. Learning to listen to that voice isn't about becoming guarded - it's about becoming grounded. That is not fear. That is self-trust. 🩷

DISCLAIMER This article is offered as personal reflection and educational insight. It is not intended as therapeutic, psychological, or medical advice, nor a substitute for professional support.