TOO MUCH? OR JUST FULLY YOU?

Have you ever been told you're too much? Too loud. Too emotional. Too passionate. Too expressive.

Often, those words land early - and they linger. They can leave you questioning yourself, shrinking parts of who you are, or learning to soften your edges so others feel more comfortable. This article isn't about deciding who's right or wrong. It's an invitation to reflect on what "too much" has meant in your life - and whether that label truly belongs to you.

WHEN "TOO MUCH" BECOMES A STORY WE CARRY Being called "too much" can sting - not because there's something inherently wrong with us, but because it often touches a deeper fear of not belonging. Many people learn, consciously or unconsciously, to:

• tone themselves down

• hide strong emotions

• suppress enthusiasm or depth

• monitor how they show up in relationships

Over time, "too much" can become less about a single comment and more about an internalised message: Be smaller. Be quieter. Be easier to be around.

A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE TO CONSIDER Whens someone experiences another person as "too much" it doesn't automatically mean anyone is at fault. Sometimes it reflects a mismatch:

• different communication styles

• different emotional capacities

• different preferences for intensity, pace, or depth

  
  

What feels expressive and alive to one person may feel overwhelming to another - and both experiences can be valid. Being labelled "too much" isn't a definitive statement about your worth. It may simply point to differences in comfort, timing, or relational fit. INTENSITY ISN'T INHERENTLY WRONG - OR INHERENTLY RIGHT Intensity is a neutral quality. It can look like passion, depth, sensitivity, creativity, or strong feeling. When paired with self-awareness, boundaries, and choice, intensity can be a powerful part of how someone experiences and engages with life. When unsupported or misunderstood, it can also feel confusing - both for the person experiencing it and for those around them. This isn't about deciding whether the intensity is "good" or "bad." It's about understanding how it shows up, where it's welcomes, and when it feels sustainable. FINDING SPACES WHERE YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHRINK May people discover over time that they feel most at ease with those who:

• appreciate depth and honesty

• value emotional presence

• don't require constant self-editing

• allow room for full expression and mutual boundaries
  

In those spaces, you may notice that what once felt like "too much" simply feels like being yourself. Rather than asking, "How do I be less?" A gentler question might be, "Where can I be more fully myself without abandoning my own wellbeing or others' limits?" OWNING YOURSELF WITH DISCERNMENT Owning who you are doesn't mean pushing past others' boundaries - or ignoring your own. It can look like:

• noticing when you feel the urge to shrink

• recognising when your expression feels authentic versus reactive

• choosing environments and relationships that support mutual respect

• allowing yourself to be both expressive and reflective

You don't need to apologise for existing as you are.

And you also don't need to prove your intensity to anyone. A CLOSING REFLECTION If you've ever been told you were "too much" you might gently ask yourself:

• What parts of me did I learn to hide?

• Where do I feel most at ease being fully expressed?

• What does authenticity look like with self-awareness and care?

You are allowed to take up space. You are also allowed to choose spaces that meet you.

DISCLAIMER This article is offered as personal reflection and educational insight. It is not intended as therapeutic, psychological, or medical advice, nor a substitute for professional support.